Happy Mother's Day

I am having a wonderful mother's day with my children. As I type, the girls are busy helping John make dinner for me - clean up included. They made pancakes in the shape of I Love You this morning, I had a wonderful foot massage from Alicia when I got home from church, and several cute craft projects from Kimberly. I love Mother's Day and am so grateful to have three wonderful girls to share it with.

I can't help thinking about another mother two doors down from me who does not have the opportunity of sharing this mother's day with her two year old because she passed away yesterday due to the complications of a tumor in her brain.

I am deeply saddened for her young husband and toddler and spent a restless night thinking about them (and crying at 5 in the morning trying unsuccessfully to keep from waking John). They moved into the ward only 6 months ago, but there is such a wonderful group of ladies on my street that welcomed her right in. We got to know her a little, but she mostly kept to herself because she didn't want to burden the rest of us with her diagnosis she received some time ago. However, in recent months she could keep it hidden no longer, at which point she probably felt comfortable enough in the neighborhood and ward to share her condition.

I guess I am an eternal optimist and felt like she would recover fully. I never imagined that things might end up on such a sad note. The doctors thought her tumor was gone after a successful surgery some time ago. However, a few weeks ago, she started declining very rapidly and on Friday night, was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Saturday morning she learned that her tumor was back and it was causing tremendous pressure in her brain. Before they could operate, they tried to reduce the pressure, but she passed away in the early evening.

I am deeply saddened and of course am playing the "I wish" game. I saw her on Friday night when I took dinner over to her, but I could tell she didn't recognize me - I wish I had visited with her more not knowing she would be gone the very next day. Last week I had to take Natalie to her 2-year-old checkup, and we were running late. As I was putting her in the car, this particular neighbor strolled by with her 2-year-old daughter. I said hello, and could tell she wanted to visit, but I was already running late. I wish I had taken the time to visit. The doctor would still be there, and now unfortunately my friend isn't.

I can't even begin to imagine what her husband or two-year-old must be feeling. Often I catch myself tearing up as I think about what Natalie would do if I were gone. She has a hard time when I leave just to run errands. I also can't imagine the sorrow and grief her young husband must be experiencing. My only comfort is knowing that our loving Heavenly Father loves them more than I can even imagine and wouldn't for a moment leave them comfortless. I have heard some who have experienced this intimately say that even though they were tremendously sad, they felt like they were literally in a special bubble, surrounded and protected by their Heavenly Father's love helping them cope.

Growing up, I had no idea how much ones parents are affected by their child's life. Now that I have children of my own, I see how much my heart hurts for them when they are hurting. I know that our Heavenly Father, who loves us more than we know, will never leave us alone when we are hurting, and probably hurts just as much as we do. I also know that our Savior has experienced every possible emotion we experience. My simple knowledge of this helps comfort me when I think of my young neighbor and his little daughter. I also know that our ward is a tremendous support and the family will feel all of the prayers, fasts, and love being sent their way.

This weekend I caught a glimmer of how real life is. It can end at any moment, and leaves those left in its wake playing the I wish game. This week I will start by taking simple steps and reminding myself how precious these moments are with my family - I cherished my I love you pancakes this morning as we all ate together as a family and now I'm looking forward to a nice evening of dutch oven dinner served with love.