The Last Couple of Months

My Dad - June 2009

I thought I would just share some of the thoughts I have been having over these last couple of months while dealing with the passing of my father. I have never been in these shoes before so I had no idea how the death of a loved one impacts ones daily life. Now I know, and also know that many of you have gone through this as well. I assumed that after such a tragic event, one does their best to pick up the pieces and simply do their best to move on with life. For the most part, this is what happens. What I did not realize is that there is now one piece of my life that is missing and sadly nothing can replace that missing piece.

For all 33 years of my life, my dad has been an integral part of it. He had a special gift for making others feel loved and always wanted to be a part of his kids' lives. I've not known a life without him, so I am now grappling with the concept of going through the next 33 plus years in a life without him. I do know that he is actively part of our lives from a different realm, but it is hard because it is just not the same.

One of the biggest shocks of the ordeal is the feeling of disbelief. I will often feel like he is still around - that I could call him up in a moment's notice. It is always a jolt of shock when I remember things have changed. Hand in hand with that feeling is the deep sorrow and sense of loss that seems to hover just over the surface when I think of him.

My mom pointed out that perhaps we are all hurting so much because he was such a loving dad, and we know what we are missing out on. I admire my mom so much for holding up despite this devastation. She is determined to be our rock and the person we can lean on, when I'm sure her grief and pain is double mine.

What I never knew about this kind of experience is that the pain of loss never really goes away. Shortly after dad's death, several people told me about this aspect of the situation. At first I didn't want to believe them because I wanted to think things would eventually return back to normal. What I have now come to accept is that things don't go back to becoming normal. They just become a new normal, and you learn how to cope with the non replaceable lost piece of the puzzle.

I find that I can usually stay upbeat and positive for the most part and stay out of the deep sorrow pot, but then I guess my emotions get tired of holding themselves up and I somehow slip into the pot and wallow in sorrow and grief for a time until my emotions get tired of all the sadness, and I jump out of the pot as quickly as possible.

Now more than ever, the words to the song 'Families can be Together Forever' have new meaning for me and I look forward to the day when we can all be reunited. Until then, I have faith in Heavenly Father's plan, even though I do not have all the answers and don't fully understand the whys. I know that someone who loves me very much is watching our for me and my family from above, and for the moment, this gives me great comfort.

The whole Meldrum Clan 2006

Dad and me in Hawaii September 1996

Dad and Kimberly 2005

Dad and my girls having yet another water fight :)

Dad with Kimberly 2000

Graduation Day - USU 1998

Dad and Kimberly 2001 in Victoria, B.C.

Sledding in Utah 2000

Final Summer Fling

We finally made it to Bear Lake after two Saturdays of cancellations due to rain, thundershowers, and cold. It was most certainly a fun-filled day with the girls loving the jet skis. I can't wait until next year when I can join them again when I'm not prego.

The girls had so much fun playing with their Rimington cousins, although we sure missed the New York Rimingtons who had to fly home the day before :(

The girls also started their first day of school this week. They were both excited, but not nearly as much as I was :) I got my entire house clean on their first day of school, and it has remained mostly clean since then!! While they were home during the summer, my house did not stay clean for very long with all of their craft projects, lunches and snacks in the kitchen, and friends playing over.

Ready For School?

Needless to say, my girls are definitely ready for school, though not nearly as excited as I am for Monday!! Despite the readiness for some actual learning around here, I will miss summer. I love every season because they each have something special about them. Utah has the perfect setup of seasons that are just the right length - just as one season starts finishing up, I am sad but just as ready for the next season to begin.

Things I will miss about summer:

* Lazily rolling out of bed and staying in my jammies for great lengths of time in the morning because I don't have to go anywhere. Basically having no schedule what-so-ever with no homework stresses, no reading time quotas, piano practice charts, or bedtime schedules.
* Basking in the warm sun, especially sitting on the back porch late in the evening watching the sun go down as the kids play on the swing set or sand box.
* Swimming, swimming, and more swimming.
* BBQs, hanging out with friends, s'mores, and campfires.

Things I will not miss:
* The endless bickering and fighting of my girls.
* The endless knock-knock-knocks of the girls' friends all day long.
* The constant in and out of my girls because they can't decide whether to play inside or outside.
* Did I mention the constant fighting?

I should mention here and give my girls a little credit - they do have moments where they play well together, like right now they are playing a board game and before that they were playing house down in the basement with no fighting whatsoever. Miracles do occur.

The thing I absolutely love about Fall:
*The crispness about the air and of course the leaves are gorgeous in Utah (it is the one time my desert disliking northwestern family members actually say good things about the state)

Aaahhh, I can almost hear the blessed sounds of quietness that will reign in just a few days while Natalie plays contently on her own without two older sisters bugging her and I can actually think without the background noise of girls fighting. Sigh. Only 3 more days. I can do it.

Froggie Update: All 3 frogs are still alive and well and love doing a cool yoga/yen position at the top of the water with their arms and legs completely splayed out in the evenings. Perhaps I need to figure out how to do that to relax. ...on second thought, I can barely get my prego body contorted into bed at night.

Girls Night Out at New Heights

For our girls night out this month, one of my friends suggested we go on a hike. Sure, I was up for a hike...sign me up I said. I keep forgetting I'm pregnant though...(that is until I see a picture of myself or feel the lovely sciatic pain in my legs). We had a great time though and amazingly, my body cooperated and didn't give me too much trouble on the hike - or even afterwards for that matter. Even better. After the hike, we had ice-cream sundaes. Kind of ruins the point of all the exercise we got on the hike though, huh. No worries though. The ice-cream was most delicious.

We also went to the Davis Fair as a family this week. Kimberly entered her bug collection she has been working on for a year now. She was hoping she would get a blue ribbon, so in typical mom-like fashion, I told her that a lot of people entered stuff and so she may just get a participation ribbon...blah, blah - you know, trying to help my daughter be prepared for disappointment, just in case. My lecture was unneeded however because she got a first place ribbon for her entry. How exciting!

She wasn't too thrilled about getting her picture taken though.

You should have seen the poor lady that entered all her information when we dropped off Kimberly's entry. She opened up the box lid to see what exactly was inside, and about did a flip back in her chair as she slapped the lid back down and informed us that she hates bugs. It still makes me chuckle thinking about her reaction. I hate bugs too, but for the love of my daughter my attitude has changed. In fact, I saw the coolest stink bug on my hike last night and wished I had an empty jar on hand so I could take it back to Kimberly. Boy, times sure have changed because that definitely would not have been in my thought processes over a year ago!

Of course the fair would never be the same without the free pony rides.

Don't worry - John stayed by her side the whole time.
He just stepped to the side while I took the picture. Camera shy apparently.

Girls...go down to the basement and play!

So, we have this wonderfully large playroom down in the basement where I keep most of the toys. I moved them down there a few years ago when they started taking over my family room. It has definitely been a win-win situation for all of us - I don't have to see the toys, and the girls can play to their heart's content out of earshot (mostly).

We have run into a problem of late though. The girls haven't wanted to play in the basement because they say it is too messy. I have them clean it up every Saturday, but unfortunately clutter has started accumulating faster than they can keep it clean. It is very telling when your kids won't play somewhere because it is too messy!! I should have taken pictures, but didn't think of it until now. The basement was filled with blankets, dolls, legos, craft projects, books, more doll stuff, etc. etc.

The girls and I got started last week and decided to spend an hour or two each day on it until it was done. I was determined to throw away or DI half the stuff so it wouldn't get so cluttered up again. After a week of cleaning out the basement, it is finally done with 3 large bags of garbage and a whole trunk load of DI stuff. The girls have been playing down there non stop for the last several days now that they can actually find their toys and have space to play!

Now I need to get to cleaning the rest of my house that I put off while I was working on the basement cleaning project.

Week of Fun

For family night this week, we went back to the Lagoon trail the girls and I discovered last week, and found wild blackberries!! I grew up loving wild blackberries that seemed to crop up everywhere in the northwest. I am so thrilled to have found a spot where they grow down here near us.

We have had a fun filled week with swimming lessons and a trip up to Grandma's house on Wednesday to visit with Marian and her kids, who are in town from New York. Grandma and Marian helped all of the kids sew up some beach bags with cute beach towels for our upcoming family reunion trip to Bear Lake. The kids made their own pizza's for dinner and then attempted to see the movie Up at the theater, but the newspaper had accidentally printed the wrong time, so they ended up at the park (Tammy and I stayed back with Natalie and watched a chick flick since there was no way Natalie would have actually sat through a movie - why would I pay to wind up out in the lobby with her?)


This weekend was supposed to be our fun-filled Rimington family reunion up at Bear Lake with jet skis included, but the weather is calling for rain, thunder and lightning, and a high of only 60...not conducive to happy beach weather, so it has been postponed to the following Saturday :( We'll just have to come up with something else fun to do tomorrow. I'll let you know next week what we decide to do.

P.S. The froggies are all still alive and doing well, though I keep getting a whiff of frog odor every once in awhile. Not sure I'm diggin' that.

A Big Girl Now?

Natalie thinks she is a big girl now. For the past several weeks, I have witnessed my little girl turning into a stripper of sorts as every time I turn around, she has taken off her diaper and clothes in favor of running around the house in the nude. On occasion, she has seen fit to try and balance precariously on top of the toilet claiming poop is on the way.

John and some friends insist she is ready to be potty trained. As Natalie has just barely turned two, I am still a little leery of potty training so early, so against my better judgment, I let them talk me into into pulling out the potty frog. I decided to just set it up in the bathroom and see what happened.

Last Thursday, Alicia came downstairs in the morning to inform me that Natalie had peed in the potty frog. Frankly, I didn't believe her, but decided to check it out anyway just in case. Low and behold, Natalie had done a yellow number in the pot! We celebrated with a treat, then I resumed my normal day. Two days later, Kimberly came down to inform me that Natalie had peed in the toilet after her prompting. The same thing happened today with Alicia this time inviting Natalie into the potty when Alicia needed to go.

I now have a new potty training technique: I am simply going to hand the task over the Kimberly and Alicia :) They seem to get a kick out of it, so why stop the train now? Maybe Natalie will be potty trained before they start school! If not, I may be stuck with the unpleasant task.